Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. – Romans 12:18 NLT
Thirteen years ago, I had a meeting with two people in the church I served at, which didn’t end well. Both were leaders in our congregation. The first leader talked badly about the second leader to a third person in our church, and the second leader got wind of it. Talk about awkward and confusing! As their pastor, I scheduled a meeting to help them work things out.
The first leader felt bad about what they had done and apologized profusely. But the second leader refused to accept their apology. It brought the first leader to tears. Despite the first leader’s regret and willingness to make amends, the second leader turned down their apology and stormed out of the room. It was an awful experience.
It’s not easy to admit when you’ve done something wrong, apologize for it, and ask for forgiveness. It can be heartbreaking when the other person chooses not to forgive you.
In Romans 12:18, the Apostle Paul writes, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” When Paul says, “Do all that you can”, what he’s saying is there are situations when, no matter what you do or how hard you try, it’s not always possible to live in peace with everyone. If someone chooses not to forgive or live in peace with you, then, at least for a season, you need to come to terms with that.
So what do you do when you try to make things right with someone you’ve wronged, and they refuse to accept your apology? Here’s how you can handle rejection when you ask someone to forgive you and they say no.
1. Readjust your expectations. You probably went into your apology hoping the other person would forgive you. Now that they’ve made it clear they won’t, you must accept their decision, as painful as it is. Don’t continue apologizing if you’ve already genuinely done that. Establish healthy boundaries with them moving forward so their unforgiveness doesn’t do further damage to you or your relationship.
2. Release your hurt to the Lord. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.” Take your pain, frustration, and confusion to your Heavenly Father. Pour out your heart to Him. Don’t try to carry the weight of all this on your own.
3. Refuse to be bitter. When we’re rejected, it’s easy to harbor resentment toward the person who rejected us. Don’t do to them what they did to you. Treat them lovingly even when they’re unloving to you. Respect their boundaries. Give them space. Being kind to them now may pave the way to a restored relationship with them later.
4. Rest in Jesus. As believers, our ultimate source of peace isn’t when we receive forgiveness from someone in our life; it’s the forgiveness we’ve already received from the Lord because of what Jesus did for us on the cross (Ephesians 1:7). Regardless of what the other person chooses to do if you’ve made Christ your Savior and Lord, He will never turn His back on you (1 John 1:9). Let the forgiveness He’s given you bring rest to your soul (Matthew 11:28).
Having someone withhold forgiveness from you is agonizing. It can knock the wind right out of your soul. Taking these steps will help you to leave this burden with Christ and experience His peace and forgiveness for you today.
Dig Deeper
1. Who has refused to forgive you for something you did? How did their rejection impact you?
2. How does knowing that God will never reject you help you deal with rejection from others?
3. What can you do this week to show kindness to the person withholding forgiveness from you?
