Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. – Colossians 3:13 NLT
Jane was conceived on a one-night stand. Her mother, Niki, was ashamed from the moment she discovered the pregnancy. Her mother’s family turned their backs and refused to help raise Jane. Niki took responsibility for Jane but struggled with resentment toward the child. As a result, Jane had a troubled childhood and left home as soon as she was old enough. They never spoke again.
Years later, Jane became a Christian and wanted to seek forgiveness for all her broken relationships. However, Niki had died from an overdose several months before. Forgiveness seemed impossible.
Forgiveness is at the very core of the Christian faith. The only way we can be followers of Christ is to accept the forgiveness of God through faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. As forgiven sinners, we are required to forgive.
But how is it possible to forgive someone who has died?
1. Acknowledge your feelings. Recognize and acknowledge your pain, anger, or resentment towards the deceased person. It’s essential to honestly face these emotions before beginning the forgiveness process. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”
2. Seek God’s guidance. Pray to God for strength, wisdom, and guidance in your journey of forgiveness. Share your emotions, struggles, and desires with Him, asking for His help in letting go of bitterness or unforgiveness. Psalm 51:17 says, “The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.”
3. Reflect on God’s forgiveness. God offers forgiveness to all who seek it sincerely. Contemplate the depth of God’s mercy and grace towards you. Think about how much God has forgiven you. Recognize that just as you have received forgiveness, you are called to extend it to others. Psalm 86:5 says, “O Lord, You are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for Your help.”
4. Focus on your own growth. Use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth and spiritual development. Reflect on the lessons you can learn from the experience and how it can shape you into a more compassionate and forgiving person. Proverbs 9:9 says, “Instruct the wise, and they will be even wiser. Teach the righteous, and they will learn even more.”
5. Release and surrender. Practice letting go of the negative emotions and resentments that bind you to the pain caused by the deceased person. Surrender your hurt and anger to God, allowing Him to heal and restore your heart. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
6. Remember your own mortality. Reflect on the brevity of life and the certainty of death. Realize that holding onto grudges or unforgiveness not only affects your present well-being but also hinders your own spiritual growth and relationships with others. 1 Peter 1:24 says, “As the Scriptures say, ‘People are like grass; their beauty is like a flower in the field. The grass withers and the flower fades.”
7. Embrace healing and freedom. As you work through the process of forgiveness, allow yourself to experience healing and freedom. Embrace the peace that comes with forgiving and releasing the burden of resentment, knowing that it is an act of obedience to God’s command to forgive. Romans 6:22-23 says, “But now you are free from the power of sin and have become slaves of God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Forgiveness is a personal journey, and it may take time. Be patient and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a spiritual advisor who can offer guidance and encouragement along the way.
Dig Deeper
1. How has this person’s passing impacted your ability to forgive them, and what specific emotions or challenges are you experiencing about forgiving someone who is no longer alive?
2. How can you find closure and peace in your heart regarding the unresolved issues with the deceased person, even without the opportunity for direct reconciliation or communication?
