Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. – Romans 12:10 NLT
Last month, my wife and I celebrated our 20th anniversary. We got away for a few days without the kids to rest, reconnect, and reflect. It was a much-needed time together. As we reminisced about our wedding, my mind kept coming back to our wedding vow. One word from our vows stood out: “honor”. We hear the word “honor” in culture from time to time (mainly at weddings), but what does it mean to honor someone well?
In Romans 12:10, the Apostle Paul instructs believers to “take delight in honoring each other.” The Greek word for “honor” in this passage is the word, “timē” (this is where we get our English word for “time”), which means, “to give deference or reference to.” When Paul wrote about honoring each other, he was telling us to give preference to others with love. It’s also interesting to note that honoring someone will take an investment of our time.
While Paul isn’t talking specifically to married couples in this verse, his words apply to those of us who are married. Honoring your spouse doesn’t mean ignoring problems and challenges in your marriage or being a doormat for them. Rather, it means facing those challenges in a way that appreciates their good qualities and looks for common ground.
Honoring your spouse is something you’re called to do, both in and out of the house. But what does this look like? Maybe it means looking for practical ways to serve your spouse, like making their lunch for work one day, or cleaning up after dinner so they can have a few minutes to unwind when they’re exhausted.
Perhaps it means telling your spouse one quality you appreciate about them when the world is telling them everything that’s wrong with them. Maybe it means being mindful of what you say about your spouse to others and talking about them the way you’d want them to talk about you. It could also be apologizing to your spouse when you’ve hurt them and asking how you can make things right before you bring up how they’ve hurt you.
Honoring your spouse can look like finding a church and joining a couples’ group there so you can connect with other Christians who can encourage and support your marriage. It may also be sitting down with a pastor or counselor to work through the challenges in your relationship so you can learn how to honor each other better in this season of your life even if your spouse decides not to work on your marriage.
Honoring your spouse isn’t always easy. There will be many days when honoring them feels like the last thing you want to do. But when you honor them anyway, you pave the way to a marriage where you both can be honored by each other and by your Heavenly Father. Choose to honor your spouse both in and out of the house. Do for them what you want them to do for you.
Dig Deeper
1. Read Romans 5:8. What makes it hard for you to honor your spouse? How does knowing “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” motivate you to show His love to them?
2. Identify one practical way you can demonstrate honor to your spouse and commit to doing that for them each day for the next seven days.
