I understand that learning about your loved one’s cancer diagnosis has brought about a whirlwind of emotions for you. It is normal to feel overwhelmed about how best to support them during this challenging time. With feelings of uncertainty, fear, or confusion, a cancer diagnosis can feel like an overwhelming storm, casting shadows of doubt and despair. Yet, amidst the tempest, there is an anchor of hope to which you can hold fast. As Isaiah 41:10 says, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand.”
In 2006 I received the scariest words in the English Language: “Your wife has cancer. Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.” When I first heard those words, I froze and felt like it must be a bad dream. This can’t be happening to us. My wife was never sick a day of our 29 years of marriage. But my wife was one of those people with significant risk factors. Her mother and grandmother both passed from cancer. Her mother passed away at the age of 33.
After my wife’s biopsy and evaluations. We sat with the oncologist who took us through many options. In the process, we learned that her cancer had already spread into her lymph glands. The ugly reality of that information brought the news just months later that the cancer indeed had spread beyond her breast into her brain. When cancer spreads it is called metastasis. A few cells from a tumor break off and travel through the bloodstream where they begin to grow additional tumors in another location.
For those who have just been diagnosed with cancer, it is crucial to acknowledge the wide spectrum of emotions that might arise. It is okay to feel afraid, angry, or even uncertain. It is important to understand that your loved one may experience the powerful emotion of grief, cascading into self-pity, depression, and wanting to escape or disappear from the situation. Cancer affects more than just the body. It can affect your mental health and emotional well-being. A cancer diagnosis can have a big impact on a person and their family.
Anyone caring for a loved one with cancer should expect the few months after the diagnosis to be extremely difficult emotionally. Do not take it personally that your loved one behaves uncharacteristically or pushes you away. Continue to be supportive, present, mindful, and available to listen and assist. Make sure to spend time in prayer with them in person. Help your loved one overcome their fears so that they can make informed and well-thought-out decisions about future treatment.
When my wife was diagnosed with cancer it was important to remind her to have a positive attitude. Treatment options were frequently met with resistance due to fear of side effects or differing opinions offered by others. She once said to me, “I don’t want to have chemotherapy, because it will damage my immune system.” Her comments were the product of fear and unhelpful advice from friends. Conventional wisdom and a helpful voice of reason are imperative in getting the best results possible.
After being the main support to my wife through her journey, I would highly recommend that any decision for treatment should be made not only with your doctor or oncologist, but should also include the input of close family, a pastor, and good friends. If you have older children, it’s good to get them involved in the decision-making process to educate them on the extent of the cancer diagnosis, treatment benefits, and the importance of their support in the cancer journey.
You should be prepared to help your loved one navigate the healthcare system to ensure that their needs are met. It would be a great benefit to help them obtain the necessary information to move forward, instill faith, and remove the fear of the “what ifs” that may arise during this journey.
Practical Steps
1. Offer continuous prayer. Lift up your loved one in prayer on a daily basis, seeking God’s comfort, healing, and guidance. James 5:16 encourages us to pray for one another. Faith-filled and heartfelt prayers will have a powerful impact on your loved one’s spiritual and mental health. Prayer serves as a powerful conduit for solace and strength. As 1 Thessalonians 5:17 encourages, maintain an open line of communication with God, seeking His guidance and comfort every step of the way.
2. Provide unwavering presence and support. Be there for your loved one in both tangible and emotional ways. Provide a compassionate and understanding ear, allowing your loved one to express their fears, concerns, and emotions freely. Your empathetic listening ear can provide a sense of comfort and reassurance for them. Your unwavering presence can serve as a source of strength and comfort, reflecting the love and compassion of Christ.
3. Encourage body and mind health. Helping your loved one prioritize maintaining a healthy lifestyle, focusing on wholesome nutrition, gentle exercise (if possible), and incorporating relaxation techniques such as meditating on God’s Word and deep breathing to alleviate stress.
4. Equip yourself with knowledge. Educate yourself about the diagnosis given and the available treatment options. Understanding the journey ahead can empower you and your loved one to make informed decisions and foster a sense of stability.
5. Cultivate a positive outlook. Although it may be challenging, strive to maintain a positive attitude. Trust in the healing power of God. He can heal your loved one using many ways, including the use of medical science to bring about their restoration and recovery.
6. Assist with practical needs. Offer assistance with day-to-day tasks, such as meal preparation, running errands, providing transportation for children, or driving them to medical appointments. These small acts of service can alleviate some of the burdens during their treatment.
7. Create an atmosphere of hope. Speak words of encouragement and faith, reminding your loved one of the hope found in Jesus. Romans 15:13 assures us that God is the source of all hope, filling us with joy and peace as we trust in Him.
8. Seek community connection. Help them find cancer support groups that can bring comfort through shared experiences and learning from others who have navigated similar challenges. The shared bond can provide a profound sense of understanding and encouragement as well.
Remember, your role as a supportive and loving companion is invaluable during this time. Galatians 6:2 encourages us to bear one another’s burdens which emphasizes the importance of standing together in times of adversity. In the depths of the storm, you and your loved one can find solace in the promises of God. Psalm 23:4 beautifully reminds us, “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me.” Through His unwavering presence, you can find the courage to face each day, knowing that you are never alone. May these words offer comfort and guidance as you navigate through the challenges that lie ahead. You are not alone, and there is hope to be found in the embrace of God’s unwavering love and grace.
