Love prospers when a fault is forgiven but dwelling on it separates close friends. – Proverbs 17:9 NLT
No one goes into their lifelong marriage expecting their spouse to cheat. However, once you experience something like that, you realize that the relationship will never be the same.
I have a friend who described the experience as one of her life’s most traumatic and hurtful events. She went through the process of confronting his infidelity and accepting that he was prepared to move on. Eventually, the marriage ended in divorce. She sat in pain, anger, hurt, and disbelief that someone could say they loved her and then violate the relationship in this way. She forgave after recognizing that without forgiveness, she would risk becoming consumed by the offense. Still, the temptation to revisit the hurt remained, even after she made the decision to forgive. The brokenness of the memories served as an open invitation to the enemy to repeatedly use them against her.
Forgiveness is a requirement; forgetting is not. Maybe you have responded in obedience to the Word of God and chosen forgiveness. Still, you are grappling with guilt from an underlying expectation to forget. The funny thing, this is not really a biblical expectation. God’s Word does not impose a burden to forget. That response is reserved for God, who chooses to “remember our sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12 NLT)
However, the scripture shows us how to walk through the process of forgiveness and avoid dwelling on the offense. Whether you choose to stay or suffer the loss of the marriage, forgiveness will become necessary for you to move forward. Through the practice of forgiveness, you will make room for God to reconstruct the memories so that they become reminders of God’s faithfulness, more than a trigger for anger, hurt, and pain. Here are 5 things to remember when navigating the process of forgiveness and working toward a spiritually mature response to infidelity.
1. Forgiveness is initially an act of obedience, not expressing your feelings.
2. Forgiveness is also a process. The decision to forgive your spouse will have to be repeated each time the memories surface or each time a trigger presents itself. You must learn to forgive and forgive again. (Matthew 18:21-22 NLT)
3. Forgiveness includes releasing the expectation of an apology. Don’t allow feelings of shame or the opinions of others to dictate your response. Trust God to handle the injustice and lean on the faithfulness of God.
4. Forgiveness is not the same as releasing them from the responsibility or consequences of their actions. Forgiveness makes room for the love of God to bring healing and peace to your heart.
5. Forgiveness is a demonstration of the love of Christ at the highest level. (Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT)
Dig Deeper
1. Read Matthew 11:28-30. Make a list of burdens you are carrying due to infidelity. Take these things to the Lord in prayer and release them to His care.
2. Read Ephesians 4:31-32. How can you practice forgiveness toward your spouse today?
