Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. – James 1:2-4 NLT
Divorce is devastating for all involved, and it can have lifelong effects. Far from resolving marital issues, divorce often creates new problems and amplifies the existing conflict. However, when divorce appears inevitable, there is a pathway to healing.
1. Give yourself time to grieve. Divorce is as devastating as death, and the grieving process is very similar. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are all stages of grief that you may experience in divorce. Let yourself face all these stages and not avoid them or try to quickly move on.
2. Find people to lean on for support. Many churches provide support groups for post-divorce care. If you cannot find a care group, try divorcecare.org
3. Process what has happened with a professional. Take time to meet with your pastor, a counselor, or a therapist to help you heal.
4. Begin to rebuild your life one day at a time. Develop practices that strengthen and encourage the process into your new reality. For example, get your finances in order with a budget or financial counselor. Remember, economic rebuilding takes time but is possible as you make wise choices. It will take time, but you will be in a better place.
5. Take care of yourself. Exercise. Eat as you should. Start a new hobby to keep your mind from obsessing over your troubles. Get involved in your church. Get individual counseling. Whether your marriage makes it or not, you need to provide for yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
6. Ask the Lord to help you forgive. As Christians, we know that God has forgiven us of much. We also know that Jesus commands us to forgive seventy times seven in a day—that’s always. Therefore, even though separation or boundaries may be necessary, we must always forgive. Bitterness is a sin that kills, but forgiveness is the path to healing.
Pause and Reflect
1. What have been some of the toughest challenges for you in divorce? How does knowing that God can take this difficult season of your life and do something good with it give you hope in your day-to-day life?
2. Make a list of people you can lean on and healthy activities to help you recharge your batteries. Reach out to the people on your list and schedule a time to talk with them. Pull out your calendar and set aside time for yourself this week to grieve, process, and rest.
