(Our thanks to Pastor Scott Marshall, Wichita First Church of the Nazarene for allowing us to share this)
Life is about people. Always. Unless you decide to live entirely off the grid, your life will be influenced, impacted, shaped, dealing with, and surrounded by people. It's why the Church at its best is always about people--reaching people, building people, loving people, sending people.
Getting better at people is the way to get better at life.
Here is a growing list I've kept across the years about just that.
- Make the decision to always welcome people with a smile—if only in your eyes. Over time, it will become a habit and people will feel welcome with you and come to you.
- Cultivate a “Yes” face.
- Learn from improv. Go with whatever a person puts in front of you.
- Never shame. Never. It will kill your long-term influence. If you find out something you said shamed someone, apologize as quickly as possible and repair.
- If you aren’t ready to talk about an issue someone presents in public, have a ready-made response that gives you time and space to talk it through.
- Learn the power of touch. Putting your hand appropriately on someone’s shoulder or arm communicates care powerfully.
- Be gracious, unfailingly.
- Learn the art of small talk. It puts people at ease. THE key: Ask questions, be curious, and lean in. “How is your mom?” “Where did you get those shoes?” “What are you doing this weekend?” “How was your vacation?” While what you are talking about may not be important to you, it communicates that you care about the other person.
- Look people in the eye.
- Have a firm handshake.
- Ask, and mean, “How are you?”
- Introduce people to each other. Connect people.
- Greet every person you see, including kids. Parents love when someone of character talks to their kids and treats them with respect.
- Say only what you mean. Mean what you say. But don’t say it mean.
- When you are with people, be all there. Distractions are noticed and noted and received as “he/she don’t care about me.” Beware the 21st Century subtext: “My phone is more important than you.”
- Laugh. A lot. Joke around. It’s endearing.
- Don’t take yourself seriously.
- Whenever possible, take the chance to talk to people about what matters.
- Let your passion show.
- Be gentle and kind.
- Use people’s names. It’s personal and powerful.
- Ask questions. Lots of questions.
- Walk into a room with an “Oh, there you are” disposition rather than a “Here I am!” disposition.
- Don’t try to impress, try to listen.
- Realize you aren’t always going to be great at this in every interaction. You’re human and you’re learning. Extend that same grace to others.